What I learned in my first year as a business owner: Lessons that sparked my growth

The first year of business is tough.  In fact, statistics have revealed that 50% of businesses fail in their first year.  During my first year in a partnership as a small business owner, I had my share of struggles and successes.  The first 6 months were the toughest; there was so much to do, so much to learn.  I was transitioning from working independently as a full time employee to being in a business partnership as a part time entrepreneur with a long-time and dear friend.  We had our share of excitement and ups and downs which allowed us to grow individually and as partners.

Over the past few months, I spent time reflecting on the lessons learned throughout my first year.  It has been on my heart to share these lessons, as they may speak to those trying to find their way as business owners.

The top 10 invaluable lessons learned in my first year:

  1. Don’t quit: This is by far the most important lesson I have learned. By quitting, we rob ourselves of success and guarantee permanent defeat. Starting a business is fun, exciting and pretty scary. Maintaining a business through the highs and lows is not fun and cause most of us to quit.
  2. Find your “Why”: This lesson is just as important as the first lesson. In fact, the 2 go hand in hand. When you are able to get to the core of the reason you are doing your business, you are less likely to quit. Discovering what drives you when the referrals are low, rejection is high, the cash flow is lower than the overhead and you feel defeated. “Your why should be so big it makes your cry!”
  3. The fortune is in the follow-up: I dread making phone calls. This “feeling” may be linked to fear of rejection. However, I have grown more fearful of what may happen if I don’t make that phone-call or worse; fail to follow-up. As a business owner, it is on you to follow-up on projects, referrals, etc. There is no boss to hold you accountable for your lack of follow up. You are the boss. The success or failure of your business is on you (following up).
  4. Treating your business like a “Fortune 500 Company”: My business may not yet be featured as a fortune 500 company. However, I still choose to treat it as such. If you treat your business like pennies, you will make pennies. Our professionalism, quality of services offered, quality of marketing materials and promotion of events all speak to the quality of our company. Would you be your own customer?
  5. Investing versus Spending: We spend money on entertainment, clothes and vacations. We invest money in building our brands. Money invested in marketing materials, promoting events and personal development are designed to build you in order to build your business. The price for success is paid up front and in full. When we put in the work, we will see a return on our investment (R.O.I)
  6. Be prepared to work non-traditional hours: Being a business owner is a daily grind; it may even be a “moment grind.” You are never really “off the clock.” There is no punching in and out of work. You are always “on,” people are always watching, you are constantly networking. Again, there is no boss to manage your time or work. You are on your dime. I have learned, “If it’s gonna be, it’s up to me.”
  7. Prepare for war in the time of peace: My late grandfather and successful entrepreneur, Earl Hemby always preached this saying to my family. There will be times when business is “booming” and there will be times when business is slow. As a business owner, you don’t get the benefit package of an employee. There are no paid vacations, sick days or paid time off unless you provide them. Can your business survive without you running it or working in it? What if you get sick? It is imperative to plan for unforeseen events that may require you to be away from your business.
  8. If your mouth is closed, your doors are closed: When we opened our doors on November 1, 2013, I envisioned HandinHand Counseling Services, LLC having satellite offices throughout the surrounding counties of Pittsburgh and eventually expanding throughout the East Coast. By the way, this is still my vision for HandinHand. I know in order to make this happen; people have to know we exist. We are blessed to have the ability to use social media as a free marketing tool. I have also learned the importance of being present in the communities of our targeted populations, attending events and collaborating with other providers. I am just as excited about HandinHand as I was when my partner and I envisioned our baby.
  9. Working in the business versus working on the business: “Build the business and the customers will follow.” Working on the business is an ongoing process. When we work on the business we are developing business plans, engaging in personal development activities (seminars, reading, conferences, workshops)handling the administrative tasks and promoting events. Working in the business includes collaboration and customer service.
  10. No limits: I may have mentioned many unappealing aspects to being a business owner. However, I am sure most if not all business owners would agree that owning your business is a surreal feeling. You have complete control of the direction of your business. You make the rules, policies and have the freedom to use your creativity to grow your business. You are your own boss!

Each day I set at least one goal geared toward improving my business.  The goal can include collaborating with a referral source to reading a chapter of a personal development book. The lessons learned in accomplishing and even falling short of goals in 18 months of being a business owner were designed to shape me into the person I am today.  I am not the same woman who opened her first business in 2013.  I am still a work in progress, my journey continues.

Also check out Sharise Hemby’s book; Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook here.

Please share your experiences as a new or seasoned business owner.  Maybe you are considering starting a business, please share your thoughts, fears concerns and questions.

The Myths & Realities of Conflict: Tips to Managing Conflict in the various facets of our lives

What is conflict?

Conflict can be defined as 2 or more parties with opposing views having a disagreement or debate.  Examples of where conflict shows up include parent-child conflict, workplace conflict, couples conflict, peer conflict.  Some of us attempt to avoid conflict as if it were the plague.  Others welcome conflict as if it were a long-lost friend.  The purpose of this article is to enhance your tool box so you are prepared to manage conflict as it occurs in your personal and professional lives.

What are the myths?

“It’s better not to talk about conflict?”  This statement may speak to what we were taught about conflict.  What are your views about conflict?  Can talking about conflict make the problem worse?  Discussing the problem that resulted in conflict is likely to cause both parties to escalate.  However, the things we do not discuss have no chance of getting resolved.

“The other party must change!” Take a minute to reflect on your last conflict.  Did you spend time attempting to convince them why your way was “the” way? Did you spend time convincing them that you were right and they were wrong?  Maybe you were on the other side of this conflict where you were the receiver of this convincing and persuading.  Did this strategy effect change in you or the other party?  We may be able to temporarily convince or persuade someone to see things through our lens but it is nearly impossible to sustain this behavior.  Remember, change comes from within and is sustained by internal motivators.

What are the realities?

“Conflict is a form of communication.” I see many clients who seek our services stating “they want to learn to communicate with each other.” I remind them that they are in fact communicating with each other, conflict is a form of communication and conflict occurs in the healthiest relationships.  Combat, however is not a healthy form of communication and occurs when each party is gearing up to take on the other on the battlefield.

“We can change how we respond to conflict.”  Conflict is 10 percent of what we absorb from our party and 90 percent of how we respond or react to our party.  As mentioned previously, we cannot change our party, but we can change how we think and respond to conflict.  Be the change you want to see.  I discuss this further in my book, Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook, available for purchase here.

Managing Conflict in our personal and professional relationships

Use the conflict as an opportunity.  Our perception is our reality.  If we view conflict as combat, each time conflict arises we will gear up to battle our party.  However, if we view it as an opportunity to learn, grow and connect; conflict may not have such a negative connotation associated with it.

“Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” Although conflict is normal in all relationships, it is still uncomfortable for most of us.  We must have those necessary, but uncomfortable conversations where conflict will arise in order to grow in our relationships.  Helping professionals who advocate for social justice on behalf of their clients encounter conflict almost on a daily basis.  Co-parents disagreeing on child rearing practices, colleagues disagreeing on company projects, business partners disagreeing      on the structure of the company are more examples of relationships where each party relies on the other for a bigger cause; and their ability to manage conflict can have a profound impact on society.

“It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” When managing conflict we need a healthy balance of emotion and logic in order to be successful.  Emotions allow us to have empathy and logic allows us to reason.  Being empathetic is acknowledging the other party’s position.   Lead with “I” statements in order to avoid blaming.  For example “I feel hurt when you call me names.” “I’m hearing you say.”  Applying logic to conflict is using discernment and determining when it is okay to agree to disagree.

When approaching a situation that may result in conflict, take a deep breath and ask yourself these 2 questions, “What is going on within me that will impact this conversation?”  What am I hoping to accomplish from this conversation?” Remember, conflict is inevitable; combat is optional.

Are you seeking techniques for managing conflict in your life?  Click here for more information on managing conflict.

A Holistic Approach to Mental Health Wellness: Examining 4 components to maintain a balanced lifestyle

We live best when we are in balance!  Oftentimes life can come at us fast; resulting in most of us losing our center in search of balance.  Most of us seek work-life balance and when one facet dominates our lives we can become imbalanced. This article will discuss strategies for finding balance from a holistic approach in a fast paced society.

As a mental health professional, I have learned that treating patients from a holistic approach is imperative to get to the core of the problem and assist them in developing or enhancing the tools to manage life’s complexities.  There are many components that factor into treating the whole person. In this article, I will highlight the physical, emotional, mental/ psychological and spiritual domains.

Physical Wellness: This may be the most important area to obtaining mental health wellness.  Before we can address the other components, we must he aware of any physical symptoms that may be affecting an individual’s ability to function.  Assessing the physical symptoms before the mental health symptoms is essential.  Most patients present with physical symptoms that mirror mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression (problems sleeping, loss of appetite, panic attacks, and shortness of breath).  When this occurs, patients should be referred to their primary medical doctor to rule out any medical conditions before continuing mental health treatment.  Some questions to consider:

How much sleep are you getting at night?

Do you exercise regularly?

Are you getting proper nutrition?

Do you see your doctor regularly?

Emotional Wellness: People in good emotional health are not exempt from adversity.  However, they are resilient, having the ability to recover effectively from illness, change or misfortune.  Emotional wellness is the groundwork for what is necessary for identifying and nurturing your feelings, your intellect and your conscious inner-being.  Some strategies for enhancing our emotional wellness include Positive affirmations, practicing self-love, find a hobby, don’t be afraid to say no, and don’t be afraid to say yes, practice forgiveness.

Emotional health also involves the people around you.  Conduct an inventory of the people you spend the most time around.

Are they supportive?

Do they challenge you?

Are they draining or discouraging?

Mental/Psychological Wellness: Individuals who have good mental and psychological health are able to use their cognitive and emotional capabilities to function in society and meet the day to day demands of life. If an individual finds himself or herself suffering from symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, lack of appetite, feelings of hopelessness that persist for several days, irritability, suicidal thoughts, hallucinations (hearing voices), delusions seek medical attention immediately. Again, medical conditions should be ruled out before patients begin treatment with a mental health professional.  Most mental health disorders are a result of chemical imbalances and some are genetic.  When an individual has a chemical imbalance, he or she may have a mental health disorder.  Seeking mental health treatment is extremely important in assisting individuals in tapping into their strengths to enhance their coping skills in order to manage their conditions.  It is also important to take any medication prescribed by your doctor and report all side effects in counseling and to your doctor.  Do not stop taking medications without speaking to your doctor.  Other strategies for enhancing our mental and psychological wellness include joining a support group, journaling, reading a self-help book and practicing relaxation techniques.

Spiritual Wellness: The activity we engage in to find and nurture a sense of connection to a higher power and deeper meaning for our lives.  Spiritual wellness involves the values and beliefs that provide meaning and purpose in our lives.  A huge part of spiritual wellness is understanding “Who Am I?”  When the gap between whom we are versus whom we think we are narrows; we begin to have good spiritual health.  The process of spiritual wellness also includes what is real within our own experiences on our journeys to discover our truths.  Consider the following questions for developing spiritual wellness:

Do you make time for relaxation in your day?

Do you make time for meditation or prayer in your day?

Do your values align with your decisions and actions?

Do you accept the values and views of others?

When treating the whole person, the goal is to assist individuals in finding balance in each facet of their lives.  It may take time before one is ready to divulge the information needed to take the steps to achieve the desired results.  There are many different ways to assist individuals in achieving this goal, but the one variable that does not change is meeting individuals where they are!

More information on a holistic approach to mental health wellness can be found in Sharise Hemby’s book Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook for the Mind, Body and Soul, click here

For a consultation, contact Sharise Hemby at vitaminchealing@gmail.com

Change your thinking, Change your life: Tips for shifting your thoughts into assets.

Have you ever spent time around someone who seems to never have anything positive to say?  When asked how their day is going, brace yourself for a laundry list of everything wrong in life.  An uncle of mine used to say these people were “happy to be mad.”  Oftentimes they have alienated quality people from their lives because of their negative outlook on life.  The good news is there is still hope for this group to transform their negative thinking into positive thinking.  One may question the benefits if they view life as unfair.  Life is unfair, but what if I told you that life is 10 percent of what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond.  If my math is correct, this adds up to us having huge control over our lives.  Will you choose to traverse through life expending energy with a negative attitude?  Or, are you ready to transform your thoughts to positive thoughts and experience a paradigm shift?

One of the distinguishing characteristics between successful and unsuccessful people is their mindset.  Successful people do not succumb to the seduction of victimhood and sing the “Woe is me” blues.  Successful people choose to stare in the eyes of adversity as their unwavering commitment to their goals will not allow them to quit.  When problems arise, successful people view problems as “possibilities” or opportunities to learn and grow.   The more successful people have actively taken steps to make their thoughts assets instead of liabilities.  You may be wondering; how do they accomplish such a simple but powerful task?  Based on my experiences, observations and conversations with the more successful people in life; I have learned that their answers to the following questions separates them from others.

Who do you spend your time around?  “If you’re the smartest person in the room, find another room.”  Do you spend time around people who inspire, encourage, challenge and motivate you?  Or, do you spend time around people who criticize, discourage and drain you.  We are the sum or our 5 closest friends and oftentimes we can find at least one quality that we share with those friends.  We attract who we are and where we are in life.  If your desire is to shift your thought process and become more successful, take a look at your circle.  I discuss this concept further in my book Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook, which can be found here.

How do you spend your time?  Time can be our ally or our friend. I am a firm believer in “work hard, play hard.”  However, I also come from the generation where parents told us “if you are too sick to go to school you are too sick to play.” The purpose of this concept was to instill work ethic.  The ways in which we choose to spend or invest our time will determine our level of success.  You can also read more about the impact time has on our level of success in my blog about balancing full time employment and part time entrepreneurship here.

What book(s) are your reading?  Are you reading? Our brains are like gardens and the seeds we plant in our brains by the material we choose to read can impact our thoughts.

What thoughts dominate your mind?  Do you focus on the problems or the opportunities?  If we remain problem focused, we are more likely to view life as problematic.  The more successful people are problem solvers.  They identify the problem and use their resources to find solutions.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?  What legacy do you want to leave behind? Are you living or existing?  Do you go through the motions or apply yourself?  Another characteristic of successful people is they have long-term thinking.  They begin with their end in mind and work in the present to plant seeds for their legacy.

Who inspires you?  Who do you look up to?  Do you have an accountability partner?  As aforementioned, the more successful people are mindful of whom they share space, time and energy.  Most successful people started their journey with a mentor, someone who tells us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.  I encourage you to reflect on one person you look up to.  If you haven’t already, reach out to them and pick their brains.  Successful people are usually not hoarders of information and are more than willing to share their knowledge with people who are open to learning.

The direction of our lives can begin with one thought! Our thoughts become our words, our words become our behaviors, our behaviors become our habits, and our habits become our values, which can ultimately determine our destiny.  Remember, whether you think you can or cannot, you are absolutely correct.

How do you keep negative thoughts at bay? How has your life been impacted by positivity and/or negativity? Please share your experiences.

If you are ready to transform your thoughts to transform your life, contact me for a free 15 minute consultation @ vitaminchealing@gmail.com.

From the military battlefields to our backyards: The impact of Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) on our communities

In the wake of the increased neighborhood violence throughout the country over the past several months, my heart compelled me to dedicate a blog to discuss the correlation between neighborhood violence, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the residual effects it has on our youth, families and communities.

Most, if not all of us have experienced or witnessed some form of trauma. Trauma is an experience that overwhelms our ability to experience a sense of control over ourselves and our environment, maintain connection to ourselves, others and make meaning of our experience. Trauma impacts our relationships with ourselves and others, our safety, our understanding of humanity and our core beliefs. Trauma can be caused by a variety of events including, but not limited to the untimely death of a loved one, neighborhood violence, domestic violence, chronic pain, natural disasters, physical, emotional and sexual abuse and military combat.

What is PTSD?

PTSD is an intense physical and emotional response to thoughts and reminders of the traumatic event that last for weeks or months after the occurrence. Symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, uncontrollable thoughts, uncontrollable shaking, heart palpitations, tension headaches and increased arousal (overly alert, easily startled, difficulty sleeping).

What is the difference between Trauma and PTSD?

Many people who encounter traumatic events have difficulty coping for a while but they do not have PTSD. Time and good self-care allows the condition to improve. However, if symptoms get worse, interfere with daily functioning, last for months or even years; you may have a diagnosis of PTSD.

What happens when we view traumatic events through different lenses.

Common responses to trauma include:

Fight: Examples include crying, clenched fists, feelings of anger rage, fight in eyes, grinding teeth, suicidal/homicidal ideations, nausea and knotted stomach

Flight: Restless leg/foot movement, anxiety, shallow breathing, sense of feeling trapped, tense, excessive exercise, sense of running in life and big darting eyes

Freeze/Dissociation: Sense of stiffness heaviness, feeling stuck in some part of body, feeling frozen, numb, pale, increased or decreased heart rate, holding breath, difficulty breathing and sense of stiffness, “out of body experience,” and emotional numbness

Chronic Hyperarousal: A sense of always being under extreme attack; or a chronic sense of fight or flight. The longer our fight or flight system stays active, the more draining; both physically and emotionally. This is common in those who experienced or witnessed rape, natural disasters, military combat, beatings and/or neighborhood violence.

In the 21st century, Americans in violent neighborhoods are developing PTSD at rates similar to combat veterans. The experience of neighborhood violence in our country can be compared to the loss of life on the battlefields in the military. More recently, Harvard doctors have created the term “hood disease” to describe a complex from of PTSD threatening the well-being of inner-city youth. I go into detail about PTSD in the community being redefined as the “hood disease” in my book “Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook, which can be found for purchase here.

It pains me as I think about the experiences of the youth, particularly the youth in the African American community. Our youth are experiencing traumatic events in the form of neighborhood violence at alarming rates. Most of the youth in the 21st century have consistently experienced the untimely death of friends and family members as a result of neighborhood violence. Death is a difficult concept for children to understand. As adults, oftentimes we struggle to manage our emotions and behaviors when experiencing the death of a loved one. However, we are still charged with the challenging task of helping our youth process, manage and express their emotions, thoughts and behaviors during these trying times. You may be questioning if I struggle to discuss death of a family member due to natural causes to my 9 year old; how in the world do I explain to my 9 year old who is beginning to conceptualize death that his or her friend was gunned down in a drive-by shooting? Most of the traditional therapeutic models are not geared toward neighborhood violence or black-on black crimes.

How do we begin the healing?

As parents and caregivers, it is important to express feelings and emotions such as shock, disbelief, sadness, anger and guilt when dealing with our children. Sharing these feelings helps in reducing children’s sense of isolation and reinforces caring and validation, even in times of grief.

Support system: Seek out the natural support of family and friends, seek local support groups.

Seek counseling: Even in the 21st century, there is still a stigma attached to counseling, especially in the African American community. I encourage you to seek the help of a counselor who has a good understanding of trauma. If you or your children are experiencing any of the aforementioned symptoms, please seek help. You do not have to suffer alone in silence.

Get involved in the community: Be the change you want to see. If you see the need for community outreach, counseling, community meetings; initiate the process. There are people who watch things happen and there are people who make things happen. Our youth are hurting and being taken away from us way too soon…time is of essence.

Although most of us, especially our youth are hurting from the acts of violence in neighborhoods across the country, our youth are resilient and all of us are survivors. Parents, teachers, caregivers, counselors, community leaders, law enforcement are charged with banding together for the common goal for a safer, more stable and family oriented community.

Instead of asking “What’s wrong with you,” let’s begin to ask “What happened to you?!”

If you or anyone you know is in need of counseling services please contact HandinHand Counseling Services, LLC at 412-871-5391.

Email: info@hihcounseling.com

Website: http://hihcounseling.com

The Vitamin C Healing Book: A holistic approach to healing for the mind, body and soul

The Vitamin C Healing Book:

A holistic approach to healing for the mind, body and soul

I have learned that one of the most defining moments in our lives is the moment we find our reason “why.” Your why is your purpose, your passion, the cause that is bigger than you.  I chose the helping profession because I wanted to effect positive change on many levels.  I always knew I wanted to help people in some capacity.  As I evolved in my profession my “why” became clear.   As a social worker, one of our major responsibilities to the communities is to advocate for social justice.  After working for various organizations in the helping profession I began to notice a common trend of individuals struggling to advocate for themselves and their families.  Two of the most common settings where this trend occurs include school meetings and doctor appointments.   Picture the principal, vice principal, dean of students, teacher, teacher’s aide and possibly the cafeteria aide on one side of the table and the parent and child on the other side of the table.  This setting can be intimidating and can influence the parent to become too aggressive in  his/her defense of the child or too passive out of fear, guilt and/or lack of knowledge of the education system.  A doctor’s office can also be an intimidating setting for patients.  Doctor’s appointments are designed for physical wellness and preventative care.  In my experience, most patients have avoided the Doctor’s office due to being overwhelmed by the difficult medical terminology used to describe their condition, the measures needed to treat the condition and ultimately not knowing what questions to ask in regards to their health.  Often times questions are not asked and concerns are not raised as patients do not always feel heard by the medical professional.  Although the settings are different, the individuals in both settings want to feel heard.  In each scenario, my role as a social worker is to ensure individuals know their rights and are prepared for the best and worst case scenarios during the meetings.  More importantly, during these meetings it is my role to find the balance in advocating for individuals while also allowing them the space to use their voice and advocate for themselves.

Vitamin C: Healing for the Mind Body and Soul is a spin off from my private counseling practice, HandinHand Counseling Services, LLC.  HandinHand Counseling Services is dedicated to promoting Hope, Health and Healing to individuals and families struggling with situational concerns to more pressing mental health issues.   At HandinHand, our mission is to assist individuals in seeking clarity, restoring hope and experience healing through the course of treatment.  Understanding that there are individuals who are unable to receive services in our office for a variety of reasons; but would benefit greatly from a resource that offered the tools to facilitate positive change in their lives inspired me to write a book.

Have you experienced disappointments, pain from losing a loved one, or divorce? 

Have you ever struggled with balancing the joys of life and emotional differences? 

Are you struggling with finding your voice?

Are you ready to interrupt the generational patterns that have been keeping your family stuck?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, The Vitamin C Healing Workbook provides resources and life applicable tools to facilitate sustainable change.  Each chapter includes a thorough workbook section that allows you to work through some of your most pressing issues and experience the healing you desire.

I invite you to join me for The Vitamin C Healing Meet and Greet Book Signing event where you can purchase a new copy, get your copy signed and your questions answered!   The event is being held this Saturday, May 16, 2015 from 12:30pm-2:30pm at the Union Project Building, 801 N. Negley Avenue Suite # 5 Pittsburgh, PA 15206.

Books can also be purchased at www.ex3ent.com or amazon.com.

I can also be reached via email at Vitaminchealing@gmail.com.

I look forward to meeting and conversing with both new and familiar faces!

See you there!

Balancing full time employment and part time entrepreneurship: Tips for managing time and focus.

“When do you sleep?” This phrase probably sounds familiar to my colleagues balancing employment and entrepreneurship.   One may also ask, “When do you find time for leisure, family or “me time?” One of the most important lessons I have learned as a current employee and entrepreneur is our time is arguably one of our most important tools and we will make time for the things that are important to us.  If something is important to us we will find the time, if not we will find an excuse.  Speaking of time; each of us are granted the same 24 hours 7 days per week.  The distribution of this time throughout each day will determine one’s success rate in balancing the task of employment and entrepreneurship.   Most full time jobs are 8 hours per day for 5 days per week. There are 168 hours in a week and in a given week the average full time employee works between 40-60 hours 5 days per week.  If my math is correct, this leaves 108-128 hours of free time per week.  This sounds like a lot of “free time” and I am well aware that this time can slip away if one is not mindful of how it is spent.  If entrepreneurship is truly your long term goal and not your hobby (it can become a VERY EXPENSIVE hobby) the activity in the remaining 108-128 hours throughout each week will determine the success of your business.  I know you are tired after a long day of work; some of us have to balance family responsibilities and most of the time we want to go home relax, take a nap or engage in some other leisure activity.  By no means am I suggesting that you eliminate this from your life.   I am merely bringing awareness to this window of time being an asset or liability in your choice to grow a business on a part time basis.  There will be great days, bad days; as well as days where you are physically and mentally drained.  You will experience pain, setbacks, self-doubt and even ponder quitting your business!  The common denominator in any given scenario is “you!”  How will you manage your time and focus to balance these two roles and enjoy life?

Consider the following tips to assist you along your journey as an employee and entrepreneur:

Be present in the moment: It can be very seductive to attempt to multi-task while balancing the two roles.  If you are at work, be present at work.  Be the best employee you can offer your employer.  While you are on the clock, you are on company time, so make the best of it.  Remember, you also run a business; how would employees stealing company time impact your business? The time you devote to your business may be limited to a couple hours per day or per week.  Whether you dedicate 5 hours per week or 50 hours per week to your business, make the most of this time by working in and/or on your business.

“To Do List:” Plan! Plan! Plan!  If we fail to plan, we are planning to fail! There are several ways to organize your day.  This can be done via calendar alerts, memos in your electronic devices, pocket calendar or writing a daily to do list on notebook paper.  I suggest finding a strategy that works for you and sticking to it.  If you get overwhelmed by a lengthy “to do” list, prioritize 1-3 goals you would like to accomplish before the end of the day.

Networking: Any social interaction with another human being is an opportunity to network.  Be curious and genuinely interested in what other people do and how you can help each other.  Attend networking events (remember those 108-128 hours of “free time”).  Don’t just attend networking events, prepare and be present during these events.  What is your elevator pitch?  How will you engage people you do not know?  Who will you distribute business cards to?

Self-Care Day:  As a full time employee and part time entrepreneur you will work at least 80-110 hours per week.  This equates to a lot of time and energy being poured into others, leaving little time for self-care.  I have learned it is imperative to designate at least one-day of the week where you engage in a self-care activity that you do not feel obligated to complete ( massage, go for a walk, lounge in your favorite lounge wear, watch a movie).  This is your day, it is okay to say no or say yes.  A wise woman reminded me the importance of not forcing anything on our “me days.”

Support network: Family and friends can be great support systems.  I also encourage you to reach out to your colleagues and/or fellow entrepreneurs for support.  Networking events, social media groups geared toward professionals and entrepreneurs are some examples of ways to build your network. This is also a great opportunity to seek out an accountability partner.  Sometimes life can get in the way of us accomplishing goals.  An accountability partner does just that; holds us accountable to the goals we set.

Mentorship: A mentor is someone we look up to, inspires us to be better, offers support encouragement, and pushes us beyond the limits of our potential.  Mentors are not always our friends; although this relationship can grow into a friendship.  Mentors are not there to make us happy or tell us what we want to hear.  Mentors tell us what we need to hear and guide us to the best of their knowledge.  Choose your mentor wisely; your success is dependent on it.

Keep your end in mind:  Being an employee is hard.  Being an entrepreneur is hard.   Life is hard.  When the complexities of life strike, most of us focus on our circumstances.  If we have a clear view of what our end looks like; we can begin to focus on our goals in spite of our circumstances.  What are your short term goals?  What are your long term goals?  Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years?  Where do you see your business in 5 years?

As we traverse through our unique journeys, we will continue to encounter obstacles, setbacks, rejections, disappointments; all of which may feel like we are treading water or even sinking.  While in pursuit of greatness, please keep in mind your journey is a marathon and not a sprint.  This marathon may take years to complete.  Patience, persistence, consistency and discipline will be the key ingredients needed to withstand this journey.  As the late author Jim Rohn quoted,” We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.  The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”  Hang in there; you are closer than you think!!

Please share your experiences with balancing the roles of employee and entrepreneur.   Full time entrepreneurs; what advice do you have for those who may be looking to transition into full time entrepreneurs?

Are my behaviors a result of a mental health illness? Tips for understanding the difference between mental health diagnoses and developmentally appropriate behaviors

Each of us faces emotional difficulties from time to time.  Feelings of sadness or loss and extremes of emotions are typical responses to the complexities of life. The realization that you or a loved one may need to seek professional attention for behavior and/or emotional management can be painful, frightening, invalidating, embarrassing and oftentimes parents may feel like they have failed.   Before seeking professional attention it is common for people to solicit advice from friends, family members, colleagues, and/or the internet.  Conflicts in personal and professional relationships are inevitable and oftentimes do not warrant a diagnosis of “personality disorder.”  Fear of public speaking does not mean one has a social anxiety disorder.   So the question remains, when does a behavior warrant a mental health diagnosis? For example, when does shyness become social phobia? When does being overly cautious speak to a bigger problem?

Oftentimes, it can be tough to diagnose a behavior as a mental health illness.  It is very difficult to assign a diagnosis to an individual during the first therapy session; especially with more severe mental health illnesses such as, but not limited to Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia or Personality Disorder.  Clinicians are placed in difficult positions as diagnoses must be assigned during the initial assessment for the purposes of billing insurances.  How much do we know about an individual after spending 1-2 hours with him or her for an initial assessment?   For these reasons, multiple factors must be taken into consideration before one is given a mental health diagnosis.

Mental health Illness Vs. Developmentally Appropriate Behavior?

What to look for:

Duration: How long has an individual presented with the symptoms? How often are the symptoms present?  Are the symptoms consistent?  Are there signs of improvement?  Obsessive hand-washing or drinking too much alcohol may be signs of a mental health condition.  Also, consider the context of the symptoms. For example, is the individual experiencing the recent loss of a loved one, transitioning to a new job, location, etc?  If symptoms such as sadness, irritability, changes in sleep patterns, appetite and/or isolation are consistently present in various settings over the course of a few weeks and getting in the way of daily living activities one should seek professional attention.

Intensity:  Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, irritability and anger are normal reactions to the ups and downs of life.  We may find ourselves feeling hopeless if we lose our job, sad after a break up or the death of a loved one, irritable with our spouse or children, angry after an argument with a loved one. These emotions can become a problem when we consistently lose control of managing them and they manage us.  How does your behavior influence your relationship with others?  Are people afraid to spend time with you?  Have loved ones consistently expressed their concern about your well-being?  If any of the aforementioned emotions or behaviors are frightening or concerning to an individual or others around them, seeking professional attention may be necessary.

Age/Stage of Development:  Understanding behavior that is developmentally appropriate given an individual’s age is arguably one of the most important factors in differentiating between mental health illness and developmentally appropriate behavior.  Life is full of transitions from childhood to late adulthood.  Children struggle from “terrible twos” through adolescence in search of their identity.  Young adulthood through middle adulthood also consists of searching for one’s purpose or passion and manifests in intimate relationships in careers.  Various changes in relationships, careers and locations are common for this stage of life.  “Who Am I” is the question individuals may be searching for from adolescence to middle adulthood include.   In late adulthood, one may question, “Did I have a meaningful life?”  “Do I have any regrets”?  “How did I impact society?”  When experiencing the range of emotions and behaviors that accompany the various stages of development, it may appear that one may be suffering from a mental health illness.  Changes in behavior due to growth and development are normal.  There will be times where behaviors are extreme; but this should be the exception and not the rule.  When we understand developmentally appropriate behaviors, we are able to use discernment for behaviors that are normal given an individual’s age.  For example, if an individual finds himself or herself in middle-late adulthood consistently displaying behaviors consistent with the adolescence stage; he or she may have unresolved conflict from adolescence that may require the attention of a mental health professional.

With all that being said, you may be wondering if you or a loved one could benefit from a mental health evaluation.    Each mental health condition has its own set of signs and symptoms.  Professional help may be warranted if you or a loved one are experiencing the following symptoms:

  • Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating patterns
  • Inability to cope with problems or daily activities
  • Strange or grandiose ideas
  • Excessive anxiety
  • Prolonged depression or apathy
  • Thinking or talking about suicide
  • Substance abuse
  • Extreme mood swings, excessive anger, hostility or violent behavior.

Remember it is important to keep in mind the frequency, duration, intensity of the behaviors and emotions; as well as the stage of development before one is diagnosed with a mental health condition.  However, it is also imperative that we do not dismiss the signs and symptoms as a normal part of life and avoid treatment out of fear or shame.  If you are concerned about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, you do not have to suffer alone or in silence, please seek advice.

At HandinHand Counseling Services, LLC, we have licensed therapists trained to administer mental health assessments.  We also offer free 15 minute phone consultations.  Contact us at 412-414-7782 or 412-607-4805.

Email: vitaminchealing@gmail.com or Sharise.hemby@hihcounseling.com

Website: http://hihcounseling.com

Climbing the Stairs to Success: Tips for Failing Forward

“There is no elevator to success, we must take the stairs,” is one of my favorite quotes describing the process one must endure in order to achieve success.  When we climb the stairs, we will be met with adversity, obstacles, challenges, hardships, progress, setbacks………and that word that most of us fear…..failure!  Most of us were taught that failure was the “end all be all.”  In school, a “big red F on a test” was a reminder that you failed.  If you fail enough times, you are required to repeat the course.  Failing a course and repeating the same course that most of your peers have passed can leave one feeling embarrassed, ashamed, inadequate, incompetent and angry.  In the workforce, most people experience similar pressure.  The pressure may come from an employer requiring employees to pass a licensure exam to secure employment and failure can result in termination.  The outcome in both examples can leave one feeling like a failure.  In my experiences the initial feeling following a failure can feel like the end of the world.  Allow yourself that moment to taste, chew, swallow and digest that initial feeling.   After that initial feeling passes, it’s decision time.  Are you going to be a victim of failure or a victor of failure? You may fail in school, work and/or relationships; but you are not a failure.  Failure is success turned inside out.  It is an event, an opportunity to regroup and learn from our mistakes.  I have failed at many things, many times and have learned to accept failure as part of the process on my journey to success.

Through reading, interviewing, observing and spending time with successful people, I learned they have one thing in common; they don’t quit!  I have also learned that the most successful people govern their lives by what I call the “4 P’s for Failing Forward to Success”

The 4 P’s for Success:

Purpose: What is the reason for your journey? Have you found your “why?” How big is your “why?” Your why should be so big it will make you cry!  On the surface, most people pursue success for status, profit or honors.  What happens when these things fade?  What will sustain your drive when life beats you down while on your journey?  I challenge you to get to the core of you want to be successful.  A strong why is bigger than you and will sustain you when adversity strikes.  As Mark Twain quoted, “The 2 most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

Patience: Your journey to success involves planting lots of seeds.  What you plant now will harvest later.  Stay true to your vision, trust the process and keep your end in mind.

Persistence: As a wise woman once told me, “Be a verb!” You must take action, keep pushing through, don’t accept no for an answer, leave no stone unturned and most importantly, “Don’t Quit!”

Passion: Your passion is the fire that lights the way.  It moves you beyond yourself, beyond the limits of your potential and beyond your failures.  If you are unsure about your question; reflect on these questions/statements: What makes your heart smile? When you are working and it does not feel like “work,” you have found your passion.

Success comes in many forms.  We seek success in our personal, professional and social lives.  In each facet of our lives success does not come without hard work, determination and failure.  The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.  If we do not fail, we do not learn.  If we do not learn, we do not grow.

~Success is to begin, embrace the process, to finish.

Please share your definition of success.  What barriers have you had to overcome on your journey to success?

The Hope, Health and Healing Series Presents: “Health and Wellness”

unnamed[1]The Hope Health and Healing Series is a quarterly event that takes a holistic approach in helping individuals improve their well-being.  This month the series will focus on “Health and Wellness,” with an emphasis on self-care.  Self-Care is a huge component of Health and Wellness as we cannot nurture from a dry well. When we are caring for ourselves, we are in tuned with each aspect of our being; including physical, professional mental/psychological, emotional and spiritual.

The topics covered will include:

Personal Self Care:

Who are you?

What do you want in life?

What are your short term goals

Professional Self Care:

Set Professional Development goals

Take time off from work

Set boundaries

Spiritual

Self reflection

Forgiveness

Psychological

Counseling

Journaling

Physical

Adequate Sleep

Healthy Eating

Exercise

Remember, self-care is not a selfish or self-indulgent act. Self-care is a necessary act  to ensure we are making enough deposits into our spiritual accounts to allot for the amount of withdrawals that occur from others on a daily basis.

Please share at least one self-care activity you engage in per week.  Your ideas can help those who are struggling to find ways to take care of themselves.

If you are near the Pittsburgh area or looking for a reason to take advantage of the great weather by traveling; I invite you to attend this free seminar!  Join us for an afternoon of thought provoking discussions, health coach assessments, mental health consultations and free blood pressure screenings.  The second edition to the Vitamin C brand; “Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook,” my newly published book will also be available for purchase.

In the second edition of my book, Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook, I spend time examining the topic of health and wellness as it relates to self care. Each chapter includes a workbook section that allows you to work through some of your most pressing issues.

To RSVP to the event or inquire about purchasing Vitamin C: The Healing Workbook, email vitaminchealing@gmail.com

Vitamin C copies can also be purchased at ex3ent.com